Uncertainty

“Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.” –Agnes De Mille

 

I think I’m a person who has to release. I am not capable of comfortably staying stuck. There seems to be some force within me that constantly nudges me. It queries, “How can I be better? How can I keep moving forward? What can I create”? Or rather encourages me to ask these questions of myself. I know I’m in trouble when I become too comfortable or too content. Luckily, for me, that’s hardly ever. I’ve realized that I’m always working through something. I made the mistake of believing that my life would start when I finished all the “work”. But I can’t wait any longer. The waiting and holding back game feels like a gigantic waste of time. And, if I’m honest with myself, I know there will always be more. So this is my life. Working through shit. Forever unfinished. A work in progress with no deadline or promise of a perfected final draft.

Bummer man.

I made the choice today to stay open. To keep truckin’ and continue making decisions even though I have no clue what I’m doing. I laugh as I think about the distinct likelihood that I never will. (Have a clue). Agnes tells me to take leap after leap in the dark even if I’m wrong. Who knows… maybe one of those leaps will land me on sturdy ground where I can hang for a little while and create something beautiful.

 

Lots of Love,

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